Self Discovery

So, I'm sitting here watching Eat, Pray, Love which is one of my favorite movies and books. I love stories of people who go on a journey of self discovery. I always look at their amazing travels and stories and hope that someday I will be able to do the same thing. Travel to distant lands and meet unforgettable people who teach me the greatest lessons in life. Well I've been thinking a lot this week about that. And I realized something the other day when I heard myself say it out loud. I don't want to look back at these years of my life and think, "whew! I survived. I muddled through the challenges of being a stay at home mom in this modern world." I want to look back at these years of my life and see a happy me. A person who wasn't just surviving but thriving. I want my kids to remember a happy mommy who loved to play with them. Not just sit by myself while they play at the park or in the pool. A mommy who got up to run and jump when they did. Someone who is strong and happy in her situation. And I am realizing that I don't need to go to the far corners of the earth to accomplish my journey of self love and self discovery. I can go on many journeys if I take the time and make the effort. I can make life fun for my family. I can create memories that will last a lifetime. I can be that woman, wife and mommy that people see and want to emulate. I used to be someone that people were drawn to. I would hear, "You are just such a happy person! Always smiling and brightening the rooms you enter." I haven't heard myself described in that way in a long time. Too long. I'm gonna change that. It's time to take the initiative. Start making my own memories with my husband, kids and friends. I know I can do it. I know I am strong. I have a loving Father in heaven and earthly family. I am beautiful. I can learn and grow. I can teach my girls to love each themselves and be happy in every situation. I can do it. And I will. 

I still have big plans to see the world. I have been blessed to see a lot of it already. But I am going to work on expanding my own world. Here, now while I have the chance. While my kids are small and think I am the world, I am going to show them that the world is a loving, happy and exciting place. I am blessed. We all are. I'm going to quit telling other people to look for the silver linings and start actually following my own advice. I will SHOW them how to do it. 

Yes. The time is now. I am going to be present and alive and love the moments, easy or hard, good or bad. Today is the day. 

Hair: An Examination

Hair. We all have it. Some of us more than others. (Hehe). We all choose how we are going to wear it and what product to put in it and when to wash it etc etc. Well, I've been thinking a lot about hair lately. A couple of months ago I decided to cut my hair. Like, really cut it. I went from having hair that was all the way down to my waist after having my second child to a full-on pixie style cut à la Michelle Williams or Anne Hathaway. I also decided to dye it platinum blonde with the cut. I have had long hair for my whole life. Since it grew out when I was a kid, I kept it long. I layered it and grew it and layered it and cut it. But always, it was long. And I loved it. My sisters would call me their "hippie" sister. I would wear side ponytails and buns. My hair was curly and occasionally I would wear it down or straighten it. I loved the versatility that my long hair gave me. But, I wore it up pretty much every day. I didn't like it getting in my face. I haaaated when it was windy and would never drive with the windows down if I could help it. I was blessed with good hair. Healthy, blonde and curly. 

This is me when I was 3. Can I please have a child with hair this awesome?

Cut to the last few years. Since I had my first child, my hair has been getting progressively darker. I don't make a habit of dyeing my hair although I did do blonde highlights most recently before the Big Cut. I don't have anything against dark blonde or brown hair but, I didn't like it on me. I have (almost) always been "the blonde one" in my family. All of my siblings have varying shades of brown hair or dark blonde hair. I was born with white-blonde hair and hazel eyes and the lightest complexion. I always felt cool with blonde hair. That it was a distinguishing factor in who I was. If you look at my wedding photos you will see much lighter hair than in pictures of me in the last year. 

This was on our wedding day in 2008. That is my complete natural color. 

This is last Christmas. 2012. That is my natural color on the top. And Lucy on my lap. 

So, I had my second baby last September. Her name is Lucy and she is a mamma's girl through and through. She is kind of obsessed with me. In a good way I guess. Haha. But she does NOT leave me alone. She constantly is giving me kisses (which I love), and climbing on my lap (which I love), and scratching me everywhere with those sharp little fingernails (which I don't really love), and pulling my hair--HARD (which I kind of hated actually). 

So, I kept seeing all of these celebrities with short haircuts. I would think to myself, "I wish I was brave enough to try something like that," or "I just don't think my face shape would work with short hair," or "what if I don't like it?" I would say these things over and over and finally, one day I realized; I CAN be brave enough. Why not? I have had 2 children. I have moved across the country away from my family. I have had many personal and professional victories in the last few years. Who says I can't be brave enough to cut my hair? And I realized, I have control over how I feel about myself. Hair included. So, I went for it. I made the appointment with a trusted friends hairdresser and I didn't tell anyone I was doing it except my husband and a few friends in Nashville. I wanted to surprise my family. 

I went to the appointment, sat in the chair and said "Let's do this!" I have to say, I LOVED it. It felt like I was lifting a huge weight off my shoulders. Literally and figuratively. I am now a short-haired person and so proud to be. I never ever thought I would be that or say that. 

I called all my family on FaceTime so they could see the new locks. Here are some of the reactions: 

  

Yeeeah, that is Jen and Kelli. My oldest and youngest sisters. My moms reaction was similar and so were my other siblings. It was priceless. They loved it! They couldn't believe it was me! They thought it was my sister Lisa who looks the most like me and has been a lot more gutsy in her hairstyles over the years. 

This is the before picture. To show how long and the color. 

This is the after shot. I have since had it cut again. Even shorter than it was here. 

My mom said to me as I was telling her all about my thought process before the Big Cut, "Well yeah, it's just hair." 

And let me tell you, ever since the Big Cut I have had random strangers come up to me and tell me how great I look. People at the store, in parking lots, at the McDonalds drive thru, at the mall. Seriously, I know I live in the South where people tend to talk to each other a bit more than in other places but I mean a LOT of people go out of their way to compliment me. Here is a list of comments I usually hear:

You look like a rock star! 

You look like P!nk. 

You look so edgy and cute. 

I love your hair. 

Nice hair!

You can totally pull off short hair. 

You should come into my salon I would love to cut your hair. 

And some more: 

I could never do that. I'm not brave enough. 

I wouldn't look good with short hair. 

I have too weird of a head shape to pull off short hair. 

I would love to cut my hair but it wouldn't look good on me. 

Sound familiar??? 

Ladies! Give yourselves a little credit. You are brave! You are fabulous! You are strong! You are wonderful! You are beautiful! You have conquered children, cancer, infertility, loss of friends and family, long days and nights with little ones in your beds puking, husbands out of town for work and you carrying the entire household, surgeries, no jobs, financial worry and so much more! You have the power to do what you want. So, if you want to have a cute, easy, short hair cut. Do it! Find a good hairdresser and have them help you find what would look good on you. Everyone will look good with the right kind of short haircut. 

I have felt more beautiful and noticed since the Big Cut. People see me. And they go out of their way to compliment me. Not that it should matter completely but it IS nice to be seen. And given positive thoughts and compliments. 

Moral of the story? You can be brave if you choose to be. Don't sell yourself short. Go for it, whatever "it" is for you. Whether a haircut or anything else that may seem out of your comfort zone. You have control over your own life. You can do anything. Good luck! 

Here are a few more pictures. Just because. 

This is after the second hair cut. 

Me and Lucy. Pre second haircut. 

Me and my oldest, Michaela. 

Me and 2 sisters and my niece. 

Me and my husband, Matthew. He is a charmer. 

Me and my mom, Cindy. 

M and Lucy again. This is just a week ago or so. 

Happy haircuts!

The People I come home to

I am still trying to catch up on past posts from my family blog challenge. So, I am going to tell you all about the most important people in my life and what they mean to me. Here goes.

Dad: I respect my dad so much. He has spent his entire life working day and night for my family and our survival and welfare. He is busy all the time and always has been. His work ethic is incredible. I never have heard him complain about how much he has to work. I never have heard him complain about not getting enough vacation, or pay or anything along those lines. He knows that we have always needed every penny that he works for so he works for as many pennies as possible. My dad is funny. His sense of humor might be lost on some people but he can make you laugh so hard at the least expected moment. Example: Once we were driving down into Grand Junction from Powderhorn in dad's truck. Jen, Holly, Lisa, and I were in the back seat and mom and Kelli were in the front with dad. Dad was starting to fall asleep at the wheel, which he used to do once in a while and we veered slightly off the road and onto the really loud grooves in the road that are there for just this occasion. He quickly snapped awake and righted the car and mom leaned forward to look at him. Dad: "What?!" Mom: "Just making sure you are awake." Dad: "Who could sleep through that?!?"

I love my dad.

Mom: Let's see. My mom is one of the most creative people that I know. She throws her heart and soul into everything that she does. Although she didn't go to school for Library Science, she landed the job as the school Librarian a few years ago and she has completely transformed the school that she works at. She is getting those kids excited about reading. She has made the library a cozy and inviting place to be and the kids like to be there now. She comes up with the best ideas. She won a very prestigious award for scouting in her region. She works in the Boy Scouts of America program through her calling at church. She has an effect on people as soon as she meets them with her smile and loud and infectious laugh. I look up to her in so many ways. Put all that aside and you have the best mother and grandmother that anyone could hope for. She is an extremely supportive and loving mom. Even if she doesn't agree with our decisions, she supports us and loves us and doesn't constantly nag or bug us about it. She is also very funny and if you ever have the chance, ask her to do the big mouth frog joke.

I love my mom.

Jen: Hmmmmm, how do I begin? Jen is 4 years older than me and I have looked up to her my entire life. When I was 12 and she was 16 I wanted to be like her so bad! I wanted to do my hair like she did. I wanted to look like her and talk like her and sing like her. I tried. It didn't work but I never gave up hope to be as cool as she is one day. Jen is my best friend. I still look up to her in so many ways. She is an inspiration. She is shouldering the burdens of a small army right now and doing an amazing job of it. What a great example she is to her daughters of what a strong woman is. Jen and I used to fight a lot. But through these experiences my mind was opened to so many things. Jen and I can laugh together like no one else. (Was that your elbow?!?) I miss her face. Thank goodness for Facetime chatting every single day!

I love Jen.

Adam: Oh man, I can't even begin to tell you all how much I love this guy. Adam got me through the first 2 years of high school when I was feeling the least confident and most insecure. He is an example to me of courage. He joined the Marines in 2001 before the world was rocked with 9/11. Once September came and everything changed we knew that he may be called to go and fight a war that we weren't even thinking about before. I remember sitting on my parents bed one day and talking to him about it. I asked him if he was regretting his decision to enlist. He said that he was just thinking about how it all had changed now. He knew that he was going to be called to do things that he didn't necessarily have in mind before but he just looked at me and said, "But, I'm ready." He had made a commitment and he was willing to follow through. I look up to that mindset. He has just recently become a daddy and I am looking forward to seeing how much more he will become in that role. I can't wait to meet sweet little Paisley! (Also, he married my best friend from high school. Who could ask for anything more??)

I love Adam.

Holly: Hmmm, if you asked me to choose one word to describe Holly, I would tell you.... No. That's impossible. She is too fantastic to be summed up in one word. Holly is 18 months younger than me so we pretty much did a lot together growing up. She and I are a lot alike. We have very similar personalities. We even chose husbands with similar personalities. She is, however, a lot funnier than me. She is an incredible writer and has a great blog. (theglems.blogspot.com) She has had many trials in her adult life that people typically expect from someone who is much older than she is. She has gone through them with an incredible sense of humor. She is super creative. I miss seeing her doodles all over the papers on the fridge. I love going to her house cause she always has an adorable calendar. I still have a lot of fun little creations that she made for me when I went off to college. She has a natural presence that draws people to her. Her beautiful smile fits her personality really well. She works really hard for her company and is an irreplaceable person to her bosses and others at work. I look up to her so much.

I love Holly.

Lisa: Lisa is blunt. And I love it. She will always say what she is thinking no matter what the expected reaction will be. I find that admirable. She is brave. Some people tend to take this at face value and judge her too quickly. But I know that Lisa is one of the most loyal, kind-hearted people that I know. She loves to take care of things that need help. She has always had a special connection with people who have special needs. She has had a great impact on some kids that she worked with over the years. Lisa and I have similar features but the completely opposite coloring. Our daughters do resemble each other quite a bit as a result of this. Lisa also is blessed with the gift of humor. She and I worked together for a summer and got a lot closer than we had ever been before that. Ever since she has become a mommy, she has opened herself up to others even more it seems and allowed her kindness to show. I appreciate her so much.

I love Lisa.

Kelli: Kelli and I shared a room up until I was in high school. I used to get onto her all the time cause she was messy and I wanted the room clean. She used to lay on the floor in front of the mirror and watch herself cry. Kelli has one of the strongest testimonies of the gospel of anyone I know. She is a great example to me of a faithful person. She has become so much more confident in the last few years and she gets more and more beautiful. She is ridiculously strong. One time we were playing in the snow and i tried to tackle her and she just stood there. Cut to a few minutes later and I lay flattened on the ground cause she tackled me back. Yeah, she is super buff. Her favorite color is orange and I love all of her orange accessories. She has been out to Nashville 3 times to visit me since I've lived here and I appreciate so much that she comes to visit. She has a little more freedom with her school schedule and unmarried status to travel and I welcome that! Kelli is awesome.

I love Kelli.

Now a quick word about my wonderful siblings in law. Nick is great at cleaning. Kara is extremely crafty and creative. Eric is perpetually ready for fun. Hondo is super sweet-hearted. (Kelli's boyfriend Tyler is great with the nieces. He gets parentheses cause they aren't married yet. haha)


Anywho, I love all of these people very much. They make me who I am and I am grateful for all of them.

Welcome, Lucy!

I promised a post once Lucy was born and here we are, 6 weeks after her birthday and I am finally getting around to it. Oh well, such is the life of a mom.

We were blessed to welcome Lucy Jean Griffith to our family on Tuesday September 11, 2012. We had to be induced as she was very warm and cozy and decided that she wanted to hang out in my belly for a few extra days. The 11th was 4 days after my due date and I feel like my body would have gone into labor on its own that day or the next anyway. I was having contractions a lot and was already dilated to 4 cm when we went in for the induction. The nice thing about being induced was that we had a plan for Michaela. I was nervous about going into labor and having to scramble to get Miki somewhere before going to the hospital. So, we dropped her off at my friend Jessie Williams' house early that morning. I didn't sleep much the night before so I got up and did my makeup and curled my hair. Why not look my best if I had to be in the hospital to deliver my baby?

Matt and I got checked in to the hospital. I got changed etc. The Doctor came in to break my water at about 8:05 am and they started my pitocin shortly after that. My contractions started shortly after that and came quickly. I already knew I wanted the epidural after my experience with it when I had Miki. I ended up laboring for about an hour and a half before the anesthesiologist came in. She was very nice and very good but my epidural was awful! It usually takes about 5 minutes. Mine took over 45 minutes. I was in painful labor the entire time which made it hard to sit still. My back was really tight and a tendon was blocking the catheter used for the epidural. It kept veering off to one side so she would redo it and it would veer off to the other side. It was brutal. Hurt really badly in addition to the contractions I was trying to breath through. Matt and my wonderful nurse were each holding my hands and helping me breath. It was tough but we made it through. The epidural took another 20 minutes before it wasn't painful anymore. I could still feel and slightly move my legs which was good. It took no time at all after that. By 12:00 I was fully dilated and I did a quick "practice push" when I started feeling pressure. The nurse called everyone in and I pushed one round and boom! there was a baby in the doctors arms! So crazy! It all happened so fast and then she was on my chest staring up at my with big, dark blue eyes. The most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Right away, we just couldn't believe how pretty she was. She was round and rosy and just was looking around and taking in all of the lights and sounds. They cleaned her off and brought her back to me for skin on skin. We just sat there and held her for a few hours before they took her to the nursery.

For those of you who know how hard it was for me to nurse Micheala, know that I had good reason to be nervous about nursing Lucy. I had prayed and prayed that she would latch well and my body would get into the groove quickly and easily. Right away, Lucy was licking and clicking and all of the signs were there that she was ready so I tried to latch her on and she started sucking right away! I cried I was so relieved. She took to nursing like a champ and it only took about 3 days for my body to stop hurting every time we nursed. The medela gel pads helped me tremendously. They are cool and soothing and helped the soreness. I would recommend them to anybody. The 2 days in the hospital were fine. Matt went home the second night with Miki so I was by myself with Lucy in the hospital. It was good. It's hard to sleep in the hospital of course but we did ok. I was already a lot more sore than I was the first time.

The next two weeks were hard for my body. I know it's very normal to be sore but I was expecting it to be a little better than it was because it was the second time. Not the case. I was way more sore than the last time. It was pretty bad but we got through it.

Miki has adjusted pretty well to having a little sister. She loves baby Lucy so much and helps mommy get diapers and kid e col and blankies. She gives her sister loves every day too. She is very sweet, mothering her baby dolls like mommy does with Lucy. She will change their diaper, "feed" them like mommy feeds Lucy and pat their backs to burp them. She also puts them down for naps and puts them in the swing. So cute. She has had some attitude issues and her potty training has reverted a little bit once in awhile. All of which we expected from her. It's all normal, we know. That doesn't mean it is easy for mom and dad to deal with.

Lucy is doing well. She sleeps great. Already 5-6 hours each night. She loves to snuggle and has the  cutest little coos and smiles. She does get fussy every night for about an hour and does fuss a little bit once in a while. She is a baby, so we aren't too worried about that. :) She is so gorgeous! We can see the resemblance to her sister Miki but I feel like she is her own unique self and they are quite different. Lucy is darker complected and has darker hair and her eyes are very dark blue. All opposite of Michaela which I love. I am blessed with beautiful girls and a loving husband. I thank my Heavenly Father every day for the blessings in my life!

Proficiently Proficient

If I could be instantly proficient at something... well, the list is long. Speaking French and playing piano would be on my list for sure. But various family members have said the same things so I am going to try and come up with a new one.

Ok, I think I would have to stick with instruments on this one. I want to learn to play a stringed instrument ie guitar, mandolin or fiddle. If I could be instantly proficient at one of these things Matt and I could truly start a band. And then I could do what I love with the man I love. Sounds like a good plan to me.

What almost always gives me goosebumps

Beautiful Music. It doesn't matter what genre. If a song is beautiful sounding in any way I will get chills.

Inspiring quotes or speeches. I can be reading or hearing powerful words and they will give me goosebumps. Every. Single. Time.

Heartfelt stories. Anytime I hear an inspiring story I cry and get chills.

When I feel the Spirit, I get chills.

My least favorite thing to do

Fold laundry. I don't mind doing laundry but I haaaate folding it. I also hate emptying the dishwasher. But I hate it when those two things are left undone so I do them. A lot. Unfortunately my husband also hates those things so if I don't do them, they don't get done. I am almost 100% sure that I will have to continue to do both of these things throughout my lifetime. At least until my children are old enough to make them do it. Ha!