Thinking more thoughts

In my recent quest for learning and knowledge I have been doing a lot of reading and watching documentaries and such. I have been studying in the New Testament. I love the four gospels in particular. The accounts of the Saviors life and ministry have always touched me. The other day I was reading in Mark and something hit me very hard. Mark 7:14-23

 14 ¶And when he had called all the people unto him, he said unto them, Hearken unto me every one of you, and understand:

 15 There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can ^adefile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that ^bdefile the man.

 16 If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.

 17 And when he was entered into the house from the people, his disciples asked him concerning the parable.

 18 And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him;

 19 Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats?

 20 And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that ^adefileththe man.

 21 For from within, out of the ^aheart of men, proceed evil thoughts, ^badulteries, fornications, murders,

 22 ^aThefts, ^bcovetousness, ^cwickedness, ^ddeceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:

 23 All these ^aevil things come from within, and ^bdefile the man.

 Ok, the entire scripture just basically expands on verse 14 which is what hit me so hard. There is nothing outside of us that can defile us. Nothing that can do damage to us and our spirit. How many times do we blame outside influences on the way we react to things? But these verses are saying that we have to take credit for all of it! All of our moods, words, thoughts, feelings. So, if that is true, we need to work on making only good things come out of us, right? When we are around other people or things that are negative, we tend to also start to feel that way. I do believe that we are affected by what we choose to surround ourselves with. But here, The Savior is saying that we have complete control over our circumstances. I know I am constantly pointing the finger at other influences and how they are making me act or feel a certain way. 

That being said, I do believe that if you choose not to surround yourself with good people and/or media  and other things, you will be "influenced" to act in a negative way. Good friends, good people and other good influences will affect your spirit. However, YOU are the one who is choosing to allow those things into your spirit. You are choosing your reaction and you are choosing to continue along with it or not. So, the defiling is really coming from within and not without. 

I am trying to be more positive. I am trying to show the love that I feel for others. I am trying to be less critical and trying to be more open to new friends and possibilities. I have learned a lot of interesting things about the human heart recently. How our hearts will actually beat in time with others when we are performing a similar task like singing in a choir or running in a race. How the electro-magnetic energy that we give off can actually be measured and we project what kind of mood we are in: stress, happiness, sadness etc. How after large world events like 9/11 and the tsunami the Magnetic energy of the earth measurably shifts as people become more united In a common goal and purpose. It is all so fascinating. It just reaffirms my testimony so much of how important it is to be united. We don't all have to think the same but it is important to have a common purpose. Whatever that may be... Hopefully something good. 

So, when we think about the scripture above, let's just remember that nothing can defile us except for ourselves. So, let's start inside. Let's do everything we can to better ourselves so that we can make the world a better place. 

Michaela Update!

The time has come for another update on the awesomeness of the Griffith kids! Let's just talk about Miki. Miki turned 3 in May and will be a full on 3 1/2 year old in no time. She recently started school at Stanford Montessori school. This had been an amazing blessing. We love the Montessori Philosophy of student-lead learning. Miki is a school girl for sure! She has a lot of new friends that she talks about every day. She loves her teacher, Ms Barbara and she is already learning so much. She has new songs that she sings all the time and she talks about her work-cycles and building her spheres and cubes. She is loving it. What a blessing that Metro schools have this program. She will be at this school all the way through 4th grade! Crazy to think about. 

                                        

Personality. Ha! Well it's no secret that Miki was born with tons of it. She is now exerting her independence in a lot of ways. "I will do it myself" is heard constantly in our house. And she is good at doing things herself. She brushes her teeth, goes potty all on her own, gets dressed, makes her bed, takes her dishes over, pours her own milk in her cereal (sometimes), she cleans up ("But, mommy my arms are too tired!") Did I mention that she is a huge negotiator? She should be a lawyer. I will tell her to do something a certain way. For example, put her shoes on so we can go. She will then inform me that she needs to go change her socks first cause these socks are dirty and she also decided that she wants to wear different shoes. Oh and also, she needs to potty first and than she can put on her shoes. JUST PUT SOME SHOES ON!! Sheesh, child! 

It can be very trying but I pick my battles and I lay down the law when I have to. It is exhausting. On the other hand I am very glad that she is so strong willed. She has thicker skin than I ever had as a kid. Not a lot phases her. She go that from her daddy. It makes it hard to discipline her though. I will be yelling at her for something or threatening a spanking and she will just say, "Ok, mommy!" It calms me down a lot and I am grateful for that. But it also can make me even more angry. It depends on the situation. 

                        

      

Miki is an amazing talker. She talked early and often. She talks all day long. Literally. If she doesn't have anything in particular to say she will just say "mommy... Mommy... Mommy" over and over again. She constantly wants to talk to me. She has to tell me everything. I love it! She is my little best friend. It makes me giggle some of the things she comes up with. She makes up words all the time. When asked what her new cousins name should be she says, "Hoianta." She says it every time. I have no idea what it means and where she got it from. (Her brain, I guess.) She just floors us with her imagination and creativity. 

                                          

One day we were driving home from somewhere as a family. She was like, "mommy, are we going o church right now?" "No, Miki. We are just going home to our house." "No, I think we are going to church." "No, miki. We are going home. It's not church day today." Silence, then she says under her breath, "I'm so excited to go to church." She is just always making us laugh. 

Some of her pronunciations: she has the cutest little lisp. She tends to get a little lazy and start a lot of words with the letter M. Mupposed, mapunzel, muitar. So we just talk about the right way to say it. She says them all fine but it's when she gets lazy. Also, she likes to call us Ms Stefanie and Mr Matt when she is talking to us. Like if she is talking to me about Matt she calls him Mr Matt. But when she talks directly to him she'll call him daddy. We keep having to remind her that we will still know who she is talking about if she calls us mommy and daddy all the time. She also says, "I yike you, mommy" a lot. It's started as a joke with Matt and I. He says, " I like you" to me a lot instead of I love you. He thinks he is soooo funny. Well now, miki says it to both of us all the time and it's so cute. She also is really funny/good at praying. She will sometimes say thank you for the sweetest things: Lucy, mommy, daddy, Jesus Christ, our family and friends etc. Or she will say thanks for the remote, ack, pencils,

Tvs, doc mcstuffins, pictures, toys, books, ooogi or any other array of words that she can think of in the moment. It's so hard not to crack up sometimes during prayers. 

                                             

    

She loves to read books. She memorizes them and will then read them to herself. It's amazing what her mind retains. She still has the best memory of anyone I know. Her understanding of words is still funny sometimes too. She says that everything that happened before now as happening yesterday. And she thinks that anything that is going to happen will happen tomorrow. 

                         

She loves Hello Kitty and she picked out a pink Hello Kitty backpack for school. She still will tell the teachers at school drop off in the morning that she has a new pink hello kitty backpack. Now that she is comfortable at school they can't get her to stop talking. I tried to convince her to get the black backpack cause it had bright rainbow colors on it. "No, I want the pink one." She knows what she wants that's for sure. She likes to wear two different flip flops. Like, one from 2 different pairs. She likes to dress herself in the craziest combinations if clothes. I like to let her choose and be independent. So sometimes she appears in public in a dress, a skirt, jeans and mismatched shoes. More power to her, I say. I want her to be confident no matter what she looks like so we don't make a big deal about it. 

                          

     

I sure love seeing her sweet spirit. She is such a good big sister to Lucy. She loves her so much. She has always wanted to help me with her. She brings me diapers and blankies. She used to help me lotion Lucy after baths when Lucy was smaller. She always has to make sure that, if she is getting something, that Lucy is also getting it. She loves to share with her. Food, drinks, toys etc. She really is very smart and mature for a 3 year old. I am so glad that she was born first. Her nurturing personality is perfect for it. She will look out for Lucy and any siblings that arrive later. Her thick skin and ability to let things go will serve her very well as she gets older. 

I just adore this little girl. She teaches me so much about patience, love and having fun. She also teaches me to appreciate the little things and slow down. I thank my Heavenly Father every day that I get the chance to be her mommy. 

                               

More Musings

I had another realization the other day as I was watching a movie. It's one of my favorites and its been on tv a lot lately and I already mentioned it once in the previous post so I'm not gonna say what movie it is again. I am gonna say that the reason I love it is because it makes me think. At the end of the movie the main character feels like she is losing her balance. She has spent a significant amount of time seeking for proper balance and self love in her life. And she finds love. Real, true love. But she throws it away because she says she can't keep her balance with the distractions of a new love. Now, here is my favorite line uttered by her spiritual guide: "sometimes to lose balance for love is part of living a balanced life." 

Now, for me I always loved this line for the main character and how she realizes it's ok to let herself be happy and in love. It's ok to give up a piece of herself. As long as she is doing it for the right reasons she will remain her balanced, loved self. But for the first time the other day I listened to this line as if he were speaking to me. 

Backstory: I love my husband. I found a good one. He works hard for all of us. He loves me and I love him. Right now our lives are moving in very different ways. His career is a very social one. He is constantly around people. Meeting new people and being out and about all the time. I am a stay at home mom and I babysit during the week. I have to work very hard to plan interactions with other adults and be out in social situations. I love where my life is but it is a struggle at times. So, This time the realization hit me in another way. As a mom. Sometimes to lose your balance for love is part of living a balanced life. There have been many times over the last 3 1/2 years since I became a mom that I felt like I was losing myself a little bit. A lot, actually. When you have tiny humans that are depending on you for literally everything, that's a lot of pressure and a lot of time. You give your children so. much. time. And it doesn't end when you put them to bed. You are responsible for them even while they sleep. Even while you do. I consider myself an educated, driven person. I don't miss working in a job per se. I do miss having an excuse to go somewhere every day and interact with other adults. I miss having to get dressed. And showered. I can do those things now its just different when you don't HAVE to. And some days I'm lucky if I get showered. There is a reason for the yoga pants stereotype. They are comfortable and you can put them on first thing in the morning and not have to worry about them being too tight or getting dirty. 

So, back to my realization. I realized that, right now, I may feel a little personally off balance. I may feel a little lost. I may have to try a little bit harder to make time for myself. I may have to work some days not to snap at my husband when he doesn't know about something that happened when he was not around. I may have to schedule girls nights and haircuts. I did all of that before I had kids too but that was when my entire day was scheduled around me. Now it's scheduled around my kids. And the kids that I babysit. That is a huge adjustment for anyone. 

But it's also a huge opportunity. I have no choice but to forget myself and serve others. I have to put myself 3rd or 4th or just last sometimes. I also teach my kids to respect me and my space at times. By having to schedule time to myself or with girlfriends I am forced to really decide what is important in my life. I am getting to know myself in ways that are not possible in other situations. My kids have taught me more about life and love than I had learned in 26 years before they came. They have strengthened my testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and the true importance of families. I am getting to know the meaning of patience and long suffering. And also of joy, peace and sacrifice. What a blessing. I absolutely love and adore these sweet kids I have been given. I know they are mine for a reason. We are eternally connected. This is my greatest and most difficult calling. Being a mommy. I am on a journey of self-love and discovery. I am learning that it is ok to concentrate my energy on someone else for a few years. My kids won't be small forever. And I am growing in so many ways. I am discovering myself. I am seeking a new balance. There is no recipe for perfect balance that will last forever. It all depends on where you are at in your life and what you are doing. The balance shifts. Thank goodness, too. I hope I only keep improving as I get older and get to experience more. Life lessons according to Stefanie.