Now, for me I always loved this line for the main character and how she realizes it's ok to let herself be happy and in love. It's ok to give up a piece of herself. As long as she is doing it for the right reasons she will remain her balanced, loved self. But for the first time the other day I listened to this line as if he were speaking to me.
Backstory: I love my husband. I found a good one. He works hard for all of us. He loves me and I love him. Right now our lives are moving in very different ways. His career is a very social one. He is constantly around people. Meeting new people and being out and about all the time. I am a stay at home mom and I babysit during the week. I have to work very hard to plan interactions with other adults and be out in social situations. I love where my life is but it is a struggle at times. So, This time the realization hit me in another way. As a mom. Sometimes to lose your balance for love is part of living a balanced life. There have been many times over the last 3 1/2 years since I became a mom that I felt like I was losing myself a little bit. A lot, actually. When you have tiny humans that are depending on you for literally everything, that's a lot of pressure and a lot of time. You give your children so. much. time. And it doesn't end when you put them to bed. You are responsible for them even while they sleep. Even while you do. I consider myself an educated, driven person. I don't miss working in a job per se. I do miss having an excuse to go somewhere every day and interact with other adults. I miss having to get dressed. And showered. I can do those things now its just different when you don't HAVE to. And some days I'm lucky if I get showered. There is a reason for the yoga pants stereotype. They are comfortable and you can put them on first thing in the morning and not have to worry about them being too tight or getting dirty.
So, back to my realization. I realized that, right now, I may feel a little personally off balance. I may feel a little lost. I may have to try a little bit harder to make time for myself. I may have to work some days not to snap at my husband when he doesn't know about something that happened when he was not around. I may have to schedule girls nights and haircuts. I did all of that before I had kids too but that was when my entire day was scheduled around me. Now it's scheduled around my kids. And the kids that I babysit. That is a huge adjustment for anyone.
But it's also a huge opportunity. I have no choice but to forget myself and serve others. I have to put myself 3rd or 4th or just last sometimes. I also teach my kids to respect me and my space at times. By having to schedule time to myself or with girlfriends I am forced to really decide what is important in my life. I am getting to know myself in ways that are not possible in other situations. My kids have taught me more about life and love than I had learned in 26 years before they came. They have strengthened my testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and the true importance of families. I am getting to know the meaning of patience and long suffering. And also of joy, peace and sacrifice. What a blessing. I absolutely love and adore these sweet kids I have been given. I know they are mine for a reason. We are eternally connected. This is my greatest and most difficult calling. Being a mommy. I am on a journey of self-love and discovery. I am learning that it is ok to concentrate my energy on someone else for a few years. My kids won't be small forever. And I am growing in so many ways. I am discovering myself. I am seeking a new balance. There is no recipe for perfect balance that will last forever. It all depends on where you are at in your life and what you are doing. The balance shifts. Thank goodness, too. I hope I only keep improving as I get older and get to experience more. Life lessons according to Stefanie.
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