Places I've lived (And my favorite so far.)

It's kind of neat to catalogue this and think about the people and things that have impacted me in each of the places I have been able to live. So we will go in chronological order. 

I was born in Grand Junction, Colorado. I lived there for a few short months before my parents moved to Denver in the Summer of 1984 for my dad to work. I don't think they really wanted to move away from their families but they now had 3 kids and they needed to support us. So, I don't remember living in Junction. But I came back. 

I grew up in Broomfield, Colorado. I lived there from infancy until I was 18 and graduated from high school. I loved growing up there. So many green open spaces and parks. Looking up at the Rocky Mountains every day was a luxury I never really thought other people didn't have. I loved to be so close to Denver and all that it offered while being able to go to the mountains and visit our family in Junction with all that it offered. I loved Broomfield Days and going to my brothers football games and baseball games. I loved 4th of July breakfasts at church and I loved my friends and family. I loved playing kickball for family night and I loved watching movies with my sisters. I had my first jobs there. I benefitted from so many relationships with my adult leaders at church and teachers at school. I learned so much about who I wanted to be. I was so close with my siblings. I looked up to Jen and wanted her to like me so bad! We fought a lot at times but I only ever wanted her to think of me as her friend. That happened but not until much later. I loved going to high school with Adam. He used to be so protective and in tune with me. We were in choir together and shared a love of music. I marveled at his confidence and popularity. Not things that I excelled at at that time. He took me to a movie one night cause he could tell I had had a bad day. I love that about him. I was close with Holly and we hung out a lot in high school. We both sang and had some friends in common. We would go to activities together and had lots of talks in the car and at friends houses. I looked up to her so much for her intelligence and sense of humor and confidence. Lisa and I got super close in high school (and college). We even had a few classes together. It was so fun for me to get to know her. We worked at summer camps together. We share a love of music and we would go to movies a lot. She came with me to drop me off at college and I was so grateful to have her presence at such a transitional time. Kelli and I shared a room. We laughed a lot and we fought a lot. Mostly about how messy she was. Haha. We would do fun things together and I loved having her around. She was 10 when I moved away. 

I moved to Grand Junction for College. My college years shaped me in ways that I couldn't have imagined. I loved having some independence. I lived in the dorms for 2 years and made some amazing friends. I was very involved in church groups and in the music and communications programs at MESA. I enjoyed strengthening my relationships with my family who lived in Junction. My Unle Dan used to pick me up on Wednesday nights from the dorms and take me out to dinner. I got to know him so well. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and got to know them so much better than when I was a kid. I went home to Broomfield for the summers too. I lived with my grandparents for the last 2 years of college. Again, my relationship with them grew so much and I am forever grateful for the late night talks with grandma. Watching a movie and eating popcorn for dinner on Thursday nights with grandma while grandpa was at the Archery course. I loved listening to my grandpas stories and having him laugh at my shenanigans. They came to my concerts and recitals and were as proud as any  parents could be. Grand Junction also brought into my life the most important people. My best friend in the world, Christopher, and my husband, Matthew. We currently go home to Grand Junction where we have a lot of family still. 

Matt and I lived in Junction for 1 1/2 years before we moved to Nashville. Almost 7 years and 3 kids later we love it. We have an amazing framily! Matt's career is going really well. We love the arts and music, we love the zoo and the parks and the family atmosphere. We love downtown and we love the river and the scenery. We love the fireflies and the colors in the fall. We love the people and we love our little house. 

I have to say, my favorite place to live is Nashville. Probably because I have given birth to all of my kids there and all of our sweet family time and memories have been made there. I love it. It took a few years but I really do love it now. I am grateful for the places I have lived and the people who have shaped me. I am happy with who I am and who I continue to become and that has to do with the places and people who have been a part of my story. 

Favorite time wasters

me again. Hi.

This one is pretty standard. I like cruising Facebook. I love Instagram. I like to watch marathons of Fixer Upper. I like to watch movies after my kids go to bed. I like to read occasionally. Most of my time wasters take place after my kids are in bed. I do check Facebook and insta about 3 times a day. I use both for my business as well so it's time wasting and it's work.

Someone I admire

hey everyone! Long time no type. My sisters and mom and I are doing another set of blog challenges. I hope not to get too behind. Life is a bit full at the moment but I am looking forward to an excuse to sit and think about something besides mom-ing.

I have a hard time picking just one person that I admire. There are so many people I look up to for very different reasons. I feel like there are multiple categories. Celebrity, friendship, women, men, church leaders, kids, and so many more. (I'm stalling, can you tell?)

Ok, I decided who I am going to write about.

This person is one of the most self-motivating people that I have ever met. They have built their own business from the ground up putting themselves out there and building a clientele all on their own. They work constantly. Have you guessed it yet?

It's this guy.

Yep. My husband. He never ceases to amaze me. His patience with me is astounding. His love stretches so far for me and our girls. He works constantly and is always trying to better himself. It's interesting when the person you love utilizes a specific talent and makes it work for a living supporting the family solely on his own merit. It's a unique lifestyle for sure. I wouldn't want it any other way. When we got married I knew he had goals that would take us outside of our hometown in Colorado. He has always been someone who wanted more. He is always looking ahead to the bigger and better things. I told him I could get a job anywhere and I would support him in following his goals. I am so grateful. He has taught me so much about love, unconditional love, patience, happiness, parenting, motivation and so much more. I sure love him.

My sister told me to blog, so...

I guess it has been awhile since I blogged. July is like 3 months ago. Honestly, it feels like it's been a lot longer than that. I think that has something to do with the fact that we cram so much into our daily lives that it's like we live twice as much as we actually do in time. I told her I haven't blogged because I have been a little pessimistic lately. I have been focusing a little but more on some of the negative things around me and not seeking for the positive as much as I should. It's just a phase. I am working on it. So, I'm going to give a quick family update along with a few thoughts. 

Michaela started school in August. Pre-K. She is a rockstar. She loves school. She can read. Like, she sounds words out and she reads simple sentences and books. She also is constantly asking me how to spell things and writing out little sentences on all of her drawings. She has grown a full inch since May. Her long and skinny chicken legs are just about the cutest things ever. She also gets more gorgeous every day. She is ridiculously hilarious. She likes to make songs up. Random songs about whatever is passing at the time. She will sing her own melodies or she will sing different words to the tune of songs she already knows. She loves Hello Kitty. She is always asking if we can go do "something fun." She loves to be out and active and doing stuff. I have come to the conclusion that it is an instinct to be active. We teach kids to stop moving and  our general health as a whole suffers. Kids love to move. Anyway, back to Michaela. She wants us to call her Michaela, not Miki. I love her name. I always have called her both names interchangeably. But now she tells is that we need to call her Michaela. She doesn't like to be called Miki. I thought we would be safe from this until she was like 12, but apparently that's not the case. I still slip and call her Miki a lot but she is nice about it. Seriously, I love that she already is so strong-willed. She also has this amazing evil cackle that she pulls out when she is being random. It's so hilarious it just makes us laugh. She is such a nurturing soul. She always is wanting to help take care of Lucy or me or Matt. Or everyone. She is so observant. She will talk about things that literally happened like 2 years ago. Memories from her own perspective. She will remind me of things that I have forgotten. Her mind is like a steel trap. She doesn't forget anything. Just this morning on the way to school I was like, "remember when we went to South Carolina last year?" She goes, "yes. We went to the beach. We stayed at Jerry's house. Remember he had The Little mermaid movie? I didn't like it very much but we watched it anyway." All if that was true and it was a year ago exactly. She amazes me. 

We love the Nashville Zoo!

Lucy. She is 2 now. She talks all day long. Just like her big sister, (and her mommy... But whatever.) she is so smart. She loves to play with baby dolls. Her favorite colors are "boo and geen." She loves to play sporty games. Anything with a ball makes her happy. She loves to climb and she loves to swing. She will swing for hours. She is more of a tom boy while miki is more of a girly girl. But they both really can't be completely categorized. She also loves her "parkwy" (sparkley) shoes and she likes to dress up. She likes to color and play with play doh and she LOVES Dora. She is always up for an adventure but she also loves to snuggle on the couch and read or watch a movie. She is a lot like me. And Michaela is a lot like Matt. She is sassy. She will pick on her big sister a lot more than she gets picked on. I am glad she is not the oldest. She loves to dance and sing. She sings all day long in her car seat or the house. She is my little shadow. She follows me all around everywhere. It's cute and slightly annoying at times. But I would much rather have my kids want to hang out with me than not. They both hate it when I leave and are the happiest greeting party when I get home. I love hearing their little voices yell "mommy's home!!!" And run over to give me hugs. Life is pretty awesome for them and they constantly remind me to slow down and enjoy the moments. 

Cute little buns and some snacks. 

Mommy and Lucy time while Michaela is at school is the best. 

Girl time! 

Silliness at the Zoo. 

More of her awesome personality. 

Some things I have been doing:

I run. For exercise and fun. (Weird, I know.) 

I have been doing 2-3 LuLaRoe parties and events each week. 

I ran my first ever 5K. Time: 33:51.3. I was super proud of myself. Michaela also ran the kids run that same day. 

I am now doing 10K training. 

I sing a lot. With the Nashville Belles all-female acappella group and in the Nashville Symphony Chorus. 

I have lost 14 pounds and lots of inches since June. 

I miss my family. 

I have been reading a lot lately too. 

At the movies with my friend, Becky. Rocking some LuLaRoe. 

One of my Favorite dresses. 

After the 5K! 

I model my own clothes a lot. Love this outfit. 

Date nights at home with a movie are a regular occurrence. We love after bedtime hang out time. 

Matt uses me sometimes for his demos. It's always a good time. And it's also rare which is good cause it's not my favorite thing to record vocals. 

Another date night. 

Also, my husband. He is awesome. He has been a trooper lately. Gigging late nights 4-5 times a week and also keeping up with his demanding schedule of client demos during the day at his home studio. He also has been sick for like a month. Bronchitis-like symptoms and lots of allergies. Multiple trips to the doctor, shots and antibiotics and he finally seems to be getting better. He also is doing a 30 day juice and shake cleanse/diet. And he is starting to run. Hoping we can do a 5k together in December. He is one of the most hard working and self-motivated people I know. He also continues to get better and better at his craft. He is an incredible singer. He plays the guitar like nobody's business. He is always trying to improve in his musicianship. I look up to him in so many ways. 

We are blessed. We love our life. I think the biggest thing I would wish for us is that we could be closer to our family. But we are grateful for FaceTime and social media so we can be a part of each others lives on an almost daily basis still. 

I am grateful for this time in our lives. Our kids are amazing. We love each other. We are happily busy and we also get lots of quality time together. We live in a cozy house and we love Nashville. It's a beautiful place and a dynamic city. 

We hope to add to our family sometime in the next year or so. We will see how it goes! 

Much love. 

Here is a picture of the Matte Gray Band performing at the Tin Roof on Broadway. 

Like I said, my hubs is the man. 

Mothers.

I spent some time this afternoon with some great friends. Lots of families with lots of loud and boisterously joyous kiddos. It was chaos and it was so great. I am so happy and grateful that I am surrounded by so many fun people. 

I was watching my fellow mom-friends fill up their plates with food only to end up giving most of that food to their kids. I watched us all jump up as soon as the kids games got too loud or someone started to cry. I sat in the basement with my friend and about 7 kids while the dads and other adults that were there with no kids played games. And I realized something. Realized it again I guess. Motherhood is synonymous with service. Motherhood is service. We serve. From sunup to sundown and sundown to sunup we serve. We lose sleep. We sit up late with sick kids taking temperatures and cleaning bedding. We eat last. We eat less and than we finish leftovers. We eat macaroni and cheese for lunch that is cold on the stove. We walk around on tiptoes for 2 hours a day so we don't wake up sleeping kiddos. We get up early and fix breakfast while daddies sleep off late nights of work. 

We clean up after everyone. We do piles of laundry over and over and over again. (Sometimes, we even fold it.) We potty train. We clean up all sorts of bodily fluids and various other fun things. We rarely shower. We dress up only to get covered in peanut butter right before leaving the house by tiny fingers. 

Why do we do this? 

Love. Service. 

I never knew what it was to serve someone until I became a mom. The buck stops here. You are it. You are the one who makes decisions. Says "yes" or "no" and has to deal with the whining and crying that comes from standing our ground. 

I believe we are given a gift. When our children are born, or they join our family in any way. We are covered in a blanket of love. Heavenly Father gives us a small piece of the love that he feels for us and shares it with our children. 

So we serve. We brush their hair and teeth. We wash them and feed them. We tuck them in and sing to and snuggle them. And in return? 

They love us. They light up when we come in the room. They ask for us when we are gone. They say things like, "mommy, you are the best mommy." "Mommy, I am so glad you're my mommy." "Mommy, I love you." 

They squeeze us tightly when we pick them up and they give us sweet and sloppy kisses on the cheek. 

And one day, they will grow up. And I would like to think that they will be my best friends. The way my sisters are, I want my daughters to be. And I know it's a bumpy ride along the way. But I am so happy to be on the ride. 

I am happy to serve. I am happy to love. I am grateful to have the gift. 

Thanks to my mom. And so many moms taking such good care of their families. I am inspired by so many of you. 

We are all in this together. 

Thoughts

I am starting to realize that I may raise my voice a teeny bit too much at the dog. I realized this when Lucy, who is almost 20 months old, started yelling randomly at her when she is doing things like walking or laying down. 

Today, I realized that I meant to put the pants I am wearing in the wash last night. I realized this when I wiped a little bit of Lucy's snot on my pant leg earlier and remembered doing this about 4 times yesterday. That is a pretty accurate representation of my life right now. 

I tell people I am a stay at home mom. But I am a variation of this. I babysit other people's children and am, therefore working every day from about 7:30 till 5:00. And I am at the mercy of other people and their schedule. My family's plans center around all of this and the schedules of the people I babysit for. So I feel like I work full time and am a stay at home mom. 

I was looking through old pictures the other day. My kids are almost always covered in stickers, markers or temporary tattoos. I am glad that they get to enjoy life so much. They are both so creative and easily pleased. It makes me slow down and be happy with stickers and temporary tattoos. And time spent with the two of them. 

Also, I have noticed that if I want to sit on the couch in a blankie and read all day when I'm feeling tired and/or cranky that my kids do the same thing. That's a good way to stay active. I don't like seeing them just sitting around all day. In my defense, I don't usually have days like that and I think it's ok once in awhile to have a day of snuggle time. 

Random musings for today. 

Lucy. Notice the stickers. 

Experiences

This week has been very busy. I have had the privilege of singing in 3 concerts and I have another one this afternoon. I sing as an alto in the Nashville Symphony Chorus and we had rehearsals and performances for Handel's Messiah this week under the direction of British conductor Matthew Halls. It is actually the first time I have ever sung Messiah in its fullness. We used to do the Hallelujah Chorus every year when I was in high school but that's it. It was such an incredible experience. The music wasn't even the best part. The best part was getting to work with such an amazingly talented conductor and musicians. The symphony was smaller than normal. More a chamber orchestra. But we did our full chorus which is somewhere around 200 singers. Sitting on the stage at the Schermerhorn Symphony Center and participating in such an event is truly a highlight of my holiday season this year and of my life. I love singing in this chorus. It has made me stretch my musical muscles which has been somewhat dormant for a few years what with moving to Nashville and having 2 kids. I have an excuse to get out of the house at least once a week, (we rehearse on Monday evenings), and interact with other adults. It really is a great outlet for me. I can forget my stress and really just enjoy and challenge myself. What a blessing! 

This is outside the Schermerhorn the other night after our concert. 

Another group that I participate in is the Nashville Belles. We are an all-female a Capella group. We perform classic and jazzy a Capella pieces around Nashville. We sing at assisted loving homes and the library and anywhere else we possibly can. Including the Sounds baseball game National Anthem. I randomly met a fabulously talented mom named Christina Watson at the park one day and we got to chatting. Found out she was a singer and teacher and we talked about music. I told her I sang in the symphony chorus.  We found each other on Facebook and a few weeks later she posted about openings in her group that she conducts, the Belles. I told her I was very interested as a Capella has always been one of my favorite things to sing. That was back in March and I have been singing with them ever since. It is so fun! The ladies are all so welcoming and happy to have more people. We meet once a week on Sunday afternoons to rehearse. It's really great. 

Well, last night I skipped out on the Messiah performance so I could participate in the Belles Christmas concert. Christina's husband is Swedish. And she had the idea to put on a traditional Sankta Lucia Christmas concert for the Swedish-American families in Nashville. There are a large amount of them. So we partnered with the First Lutheran Church downtown and did a lot of traditional Swedish Christmas music. It was so amazing to see the Christmas traditions of a completely different culture. We invited anyone who wanted to come sing with is to do so as they all know the music from singing it while growing up. Quite a few people participated and the church had a great turnout. We were all standing there with lit candles and singing Stille Nat or Silent Night in Swedish. I got emotional just really realizing how the spirit of love and of Christ really transcends language and speech. What a blessing to have the knowledge of Jesus Christ and to have an extra reason to celebrate Him and His life each year. I was also touched by how grateful all of the Swedish families were. They all said that they usually have to do the Santka Lucia at home. They were emotional while expressing gratitude that we were able to bring these traditions to life for them here. I was so blessed to see the appreciation in their eyes. Their children were dressed up as Angels all in white and we all wore crowns of tinsel. It was so great. 

I love the opportunity I have to have moments like this. Music has the ability to connect us to each other and to heaven in the quietest and simplest ways. As soon as the beautiful notes of an aria or hymn begin I love the complete silence that descends on the room. The most powerful manifestations of the Spirit have happened to me while singing or listening to inspiring music. I am so blessed to appreciate good music. I hope my kids see how hard I seek out those moments and how I love to participate in any music that I possibly can. What a great week of music! 

This is inside the First Lutheran church. 

Also, let me just say, I was having a rough day yesterday. I am missing family and Matt is out of town this weekend. Miki and Lucy are tired from mommy being gone so much this week. It wears on me emotionally. It was one of those days where everything was going wrong. I was feeling left out of a lot of things. But then I went to the church, put on a halo and added my voice to a beautiful concert and tradition. I left on such a high and came home to put my sweet girls to bed. I counted my blessings. My cup runneth over. 

Little Lucy

I want to give a little update on how awesome our Lucy girl is and what all she is up to these days. 

Lucy is about to turn 15 months old. Miki likes to tell everyone, "Lucy is 1!" It's so cute. She is a happy, bright and hilarious bundle of energy. She loves to climb on things like couches, chairs, boxes and toys. It's crazy to think that if she were like miki she STILL wouldn't be walking! Haha. I don't know how I did that. I couldn't imagine her not walking at this point. She is so adorable it should be illegal. Here are some words that she says: mama, dada, more, thank you, puppy, baby, doggy, ball, yeah and many more that I can't think of right now. She also signs eat, please, all done, more and milk. She can point to almost all body parts on command and she knows who everyone is. She follows directions amazingly. She will put toys away, put her milk cup on the table, bring me a diaper or wipes and all sorts of other things when asked. She absolutely loves to read. By the end of the day our house is covered in books. She will bring me one after the other all day long. I love it. She also adores animals. She knows all the sounds they make and will point to correct ones in pictures when asked. Her favorite toy right now is a baby doll. Any baby doll. She gives them hugs and loves and kisses. She says "baby!" While she carries them around the house. She can sit at the table and feed herself just about any food. She never has been a baby food fan so she has been eating table food since she was about 6 months old. She loves to eat but also still enjoys nursing with mommy. (We are planning on finishing up with that in the next month or so. She doesn't know that yet though, haha.) She is a snuggle bug and loves to sit on our laps and just sigh. She will just chill with you while we read or watch a movie. She likes Dora the explorer and even says Dora's name. She has about 18 teeth. She actually likes to brush them. She also likes to wash hands and clean up. She certainly just loves anything she sees Miki do at this point. She also loves baths and hates when they are over. She has started saying "No!" When I do something she doesn't like or tell her to do something she doesn't want to do. Ah the sassiness. She is also a little aggressive with miki sometimes. She will pull Miki's hair or pound her on the back and Miki will just sit there and say, "stop Lucy!" Over and over again. I am trying to teach miki to just walk away or say no and then remove herself but she usually just sits there. Lucy thinks it's funny. So she is starting to get in more trouble and have to be disciplined. *sigh* Why can't they stay sweet and innocent forever? Nah, that wouldn't make life as interesting as it can be. Lucy just adores Michaela. They love to play together. They color and draw and run around and dance. They giggle and jump and give each other hugs and kisses. I am so happy they both have a sister. They will always have someone besides us to be there for them. I am so grateful. Lucy is so sweet natured. Other kids are drawn to her. Even in public at the play place kids will come up and give her hugs and play with her hair. I think it's her big beautiful eyes. They make her look so sweet and innocent. She also gets upset when she gets in trouble. Her feelings get hurt easier than Miki's. She is more emotional like mommy is. 

She is a perfect addition to our family. I am so happy that she is still a bit of a mommy's girl. She is the best and we are so blessed to have her. 

Little moments

Tonight, as I was putting Lucy to bed I stopped. She hasn't been feeling very well this afternoon. She has a small fever and was feeling very sleepy. She was lying down on my shoulder and just so relaxed. So I stopped. I stood there by her crib and just snuggled her. I let her lay on me and just held her close. I said a silent prayer of thanksgiving. That moment right there is the reason I became a mommy. The feeling of her sweet little arms laying on my chest. The sweet sound of her breathing. The complete trust she has in me. I know she won't always be this small. She won't always want me to tuck her in at night. Or maybe she will. I hope she will. 

I have been really trying to take the time to enjoy the girls while they are tiny. I think I am actually pretty good about taking in the moments. I try so hard to remember that these are the good old days. Even with all of that effort, the time seems to be slipping through my fingers like sand. As the girls get older life just keeps getting better. But on nights like this I am just so grateful that they are still small. They are still mine to hold and cuddle and protect. They trust me so implicitly. They love me so unconditionally. I am truly blessed. I am trying every day to be the kind of role model in words and actions that they need. I love my sweet girls. I can't wait to have more. (Ok, I can wait a little bit.) 

Thinking more thoughts

In my recent quest for learning and knowledge I have been doing a lot of reading and watching documentaries and such. I have been studying in the New Testament. I love the four gospels in particular. The accounts of the Saviors life and ministry have always touched me. The other day I was reading in Mark and something hit me very hard. Mark 7:14-23

 14 ¶And when he had called all the people unto him, he said unto them, Hearken unto me every one of you, and understand:

 15 There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can ^adefile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that ^bdefile the man.

 16 If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.

 17 And when he was entered into the house from the people, his disciples asked him concerning the parable.

 18 And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him;

 19 Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats?

 20 And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that ^adefileththe man.

 21 For from within, out of the ^aheart of men, proceed evil thoughts, ^badulteries, fornications, murders,

 22 ^aThefts, ^bcovetousness, ^cwickedness, ^ddeceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:

 23 All these ^aevil things come from within, and ^bdefile the man.

 Ok, the entire scripture just basically expands on verse 14 which is what hit me so hard. There is nothing outside of us that can defile us. Nothing that can do damage to us and our spirit. How many times do we blame outside influences on the way we react to things? But these verses are saying that we have to take credit for all of it! All of our moods, words, thoughts, feelings. So, if that is true, we need to work on making only good things come out of us, right? When we are around other people or things that are negative, we tend to also start to feel that way. I do believe that we are affected by what we choose to surround ourselves with. But here, The Savior is saying that we have complete control over our circumstances. I know I am constantly pointing the finger at other influences and how they are making me act or feel a certain way. 

That being said, I do believe that if you choose not to surround yourself with good people and/or media  and other things, you will be "influenced" to act in a negative way. Good friends, good people and other good influences will affect your spirit. However, YOU are the one who is choosing to allow those things into your spirit. You are choosing your reaction and you are choosing to continue along with it or not. So, the defiling is really coming from within and not without. 

I am trying to be more positive. I am trying to show the love that I feel for others. I am trying to be less critical and trying to be more open to new friends and possibilities. I have learned a lot of interesting things about the human heart recently. How our hearts will actually beat in time with others when we are performing a similar task like singing in a choir or running in a race. How the electro-magnetic energy that we give off can actually be measured and we project what kind of mood we are in: stress, happiness, sadness etc. How after large world events like 9/11 and the tsunami the Magnetic energy of the earth measurably shifts as people become more united In a common goal and purpose. It is all so fascinating. It just reaffirms my testimony so much of how important it is to be united. We don't all have to think the same but it is important to have a common purpose. Whatever that may be... Hopefully something good. 

So, when we think about the scripture above, let's just remember that nothing can defile us except for ourselves. So, let's start inside. Let's do everything we can to better ourselves so that we can make the world a better place. 

Michaela Update!

The time has come for another update on the awesomeness of the Griffith kids! Let's just talk about Miki. Miki turned 3 in May and will be a full on 3 1/2 year old in no time. She recently started school at Stanford Montessori school. This had been an amazing blessing. We love the Montessori Philosophy of student-lead learning. Miki is a school girl for sure! She has a lot of new friends that she talks about every day. She loves her teacher, Ms Barbara and she is already learning so much. She has new songs that she sings all the time and she talks about her work-cycles and building her spheres and cubes. She is loving it. What a blessing that Metro schools have this program. She will be at this school all the way through 4th grade! Crazy to think about. 

                                        

Personality. Ha! Well it's no secret that Miki was born with tons of it. She is now exerting her independence in a lot of ways. "I will do it myself" is heard constantly in our house. And she is good at doing things herself. She brushes her teeth, goes potty all on her own, gets dressed, makes her bed, takes her dishes over, pours her own milk in her cereal (sometimes), she cleans up ("But, mommy my arms are too tired!") Did I mention that she is a huge negotiator? She should be a lawyer. I will tell her to do something a certain way. For example, put her shoes on so we can go. She will then inform me that she needs to go change her socks first cause these socks are dirty and she also decided that she wants to wear different shoes. Oh and also, she needs to potty first and than she can put on her shoes. JUST PUT SOME SHOES ON!! Sheesh, child! 

It can be very trying but I pick my battles and I lay down the law when I have to. It is exhausting. On the other hand I am very glad that she is so strong willed. She has thicker skin than I ever had as a kid. Not a lot phases her. She go that from her daddy. It makes it hard to discipline her though. I will be yelling at her for something or threatening a spanking and she will just say, "Ok, mommy!" It calms me down a lot and I am grateful for that. But it also can make me even more angry. It depends on the situation. 

                        

      

Miki is an amazing talker. She talked early and often. She talks all day long. Literally. If she doesn't have anything in particular to say she will just say "mommy... Mommy... Mommy" over and over again. She constantly wants to talk to me. She has to tell me everything. I love it! She is my little best friend. It makes me giggle some of the things she comes up with. She makes up words all the time. When asked what her new cousins name should be she says, "Hoianta." She says it every time. I have no idea what it means and where she got it from. (Her brain, I guess.) She just floors us with her imagination and creativity. 

                                          

One day we were driving home from somewhere as a family. She was like, "mommy, are we going o church right now?" "No, Miki. We are just going home to our house." "No, I think we are going to church." "No, miki. We are going home. It's not church day today." Silence, then she says under her breath, "I'm so excited to go to church." She is just always making us laugh. 

Some of her pronunciations: she has the cutest little lisp. She tends to get a little lazy and start a lot of words with the letter M. Mupposed, mapunzel, muitar. So we just talk about the right way to say it. She says them all fine but it's when she gets lazy. Also, she likes to call us Ms Stefanie and Mr Matt when she is talking to us. Like if she is talking to me about Matt she calls him Mr Matt. But when she talks directly to him she'll call him daddy. We keep having to remind her that we will still know who she is talking about if she calls us mommy and daddy all the time. She also says, "I yike you, mommy" a lot. It's started as a joke with Matt and I. He says, " I like you" to me a lot instead of I love you. He thinks he is soooo funny. Well now, miki says it to both of us all the time and it's so cute. She also is really funny/good at praying. She will sometimes say thank you for the sweetest things: Lucy, mommy, daddy, Jesus Christ, our family and friends etc. Or she will say thanks for the remote, ack, pencils,

Tvs, doc mcstuffins, pictures, toys, books, ooogi or any other array of words that she can think of in the moment. It's so hard not to crack up sometimes during prayers. 

                                             

    

She loves to read books. She memorizes them and will then read them to herself. It's amazing what her mind retains. She still has the best memory of anyone I know. Her understanding of words is still funny sometimes too. She says that everything that happened before now as happening yesterday. And she thinks that anything that is going to happen will happen tomorrow. 

                         

She loves Hello Kitty and she picked out a pink Hello Kitty backpack for school. She still will tell the teachers at school drop off in the morning that she has a new pink hello kitty backpack. Now that she is comfortable at school they can't get her to stop talking. I tried to convince her to get the black backpack cause it had bright rainbow colors on it. "No, I want the pink one." She knows what she wants that's for sure. She likes to wear two different flip flops. Like, one from 2 different pairs. She likes to dress herself in the craziest combinations if clothes. I like to let her choose and be independent. So sometimes she appears in public in a dress, a skirt, jeans and mismatched shoes. More power to her, I say. I want her to be confident no matter what she looks like so we don't make a big deal about it. 

                          

     

I sure love seeing her sweet spirit. She is such a good big sister to Lucy. She loves her so much. She has always wanted to help me with her. She brings me diapers and blankies. She used to help me lotion Lucy after baths when Lucy was smaller. She always has to make sure that, if she is getting something, that Lucy is also getting it. She loves to share with her. Food, drinks, toys etc. She really is very smart and mature for a 3 year old. I am so glad that she was born first. Her nurturing personality is perfect for it. She will look out for Lucy and any siblings that arrive later. Her thick skin and ability to let things go will serve her very well as she gets older. 

I just adore this little girl. She teaches me so much about patience, love and having fun. She also teaches me to appreciate the little things and slow down. I thank my Heavenly Father every day that I get the chance to be her mommy. 

                               

More Musings

I had another realization the other day as I was watching a movie. It's one of my favorites and its been on tv a lot lately and I already mentioned it once in the previous post so I'm not gonna say what movie it is again. I am gonna say that the reason I love it is because it makes me think. At the end of the movie the main character feels like she is losing her balance. She has spent a significant amount of time seeking for proper balance and self love in her life. And she finds love. Real, true love. But she throws it away because she says she can't keep her balance with the distractions of a new love. Now, here is my favorite line uttered by her spiritual guide: "sometimes to lose balance for love is part of living a balanced life." 

Now, for me I always loved this line for the main character and how she realizes it's ok to let herself be happy and in love. It's ok to give up a piece of herself. As long as she is doing it for the right reasons she will remain her balanced, loved self. But for the first time the other day I listened to this line as if he were speaking to me. 

Backstory: I love my husband. I found a good one. He works hard for all of us. He loves me and I love him. Right now our lives are moving in very different ways. His career is a very social one. He is constantly around people. Meeting new people and being out and about all the time. I am a stay at home mom and I babysit during the week. I have to work very hard to plan interactions with other adults and be out in social situations. I love where my life is but it is a struggle at times. So, This time the realization hit me in another way. As a mom. Sometimes to lose your balance for love is part of living a balanced life. There have been many times over the last 3 1/2 years since I became a mom that I felt like I was losing myself a little bit. A lot, actually. When you have tiny humans that are depending on you for literally everything, that's a lot of pressure and a lot of time. You give your children so. much. time. And it doesn't end when you put them to bed. You are responsible for them even while they sleep. Even while you do. I consider myself an educated, driven person. I don't miss working in a job per se. I do miss having an excuse to go somewhere every day and interact with other adults. I miss having to get dressed. And showered. I can do those things now its just different when you don't HAVE to. And some days I'm lucky if I get showered. There is a reason for the yoga pants stereotype. They are comfortable and you can put them on first thing in the morning and not have to worry about them being too tight or getting dirty. 

So, back to my realization. I realized that, right now, I may feel a little personally off balance. I may feel a little lost. I may have to try a little bit harder to make time for myself. I may have to work some days not to snap at my husband when he doesn't know about something that happened when he was not around. I may have to schedule girls nights and haircuts. I did all of that before I had kids too but that was when my entire day was scheduled around me. Now it's scheduled around my kids. And the kids that I babysit. That is a huge adjustment for anyone. 

But it's also a huge opportunity. I have no choice but to forget myself and serve others. I have to put myself 3rd or 4th or just last sometimes. I also teach my kids to respect me and my space at times. By having to schedule time to myself or with girlfriends I am forced to really decide what is important in my life. I am getting to know myself in ways that are not possible in other situations. My kids have taught me more about life and love than I had learned in 26 years before they came. They have strengthened my testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and the true importance of families. I am getting to know the meaning of patience and long suffering. And also of joy, peace and sacrifice. What a blessing. I absolutely love and adore these sweet kids I have been given. I know they are mine for a reason. We are eternally connected. This is my greatest and most difficult calling. Being a mommy. I am on a journey of self-love and discovery. I am learning that it is ok to concentrate my energy on someone else for a few years. My kids won't be small forever. And I am growing in so many ways. I am discovering myself. I am seeking a new balance. There is no recipe for perfect balance that will last forever. It all depends on where you are at in your life and what you are doing. The balance shifts. Thank goodness, too. I hope I only keep improving as I get older and get to experience more. Life lessons according to Stefanie. 

Self Discovery

So, I'm sitting here watching Eat, Pray, Love which is one of my favorite movies and books. I love stories of people who go on a journey of self discovery. I always look at their amazing travels and stories and hope that someday I will be able to do the same thing. Travel to distant lands and meet unforgettable people who teach me the greatest lessons in life. Well I've been thinking a lot this week about that. And I realized something the other day when I heard myself say it out loud. I don't want to look back at these years of my life and think, "whew! I survived. I muddled through the challenges of being a stay at home mom in this modern world." I want to look back at these years of my life and see a happy me. A person who wasn't just surviving but thriving. I want my kids to remember a happy mommy who loved to play with them. Not just sit by myself while they play at the park or in the pool. A mommy who got up to run and jump when they did. Someone who is strong and happy in her situation. And I am realizing that I don't need to go to the far corners of the earth to accomplish my journey of self love and self discovery. I can go on many journeys if I take the time and make the effort. I can make life fun for my family. I can create memories that will last a lifetime. I can be that woman, wife and mommy that people see and want to emulate. I used to be someone that people were drawn to. I would hear, "You are just such a happy person! Always smiling and brightening the rooms you enter." I haven't heard myself described in that way in a long time. Too long. I'm gonna change that. It's time to take the initiative. Start making my own memories with my husband, kids and friends. I know I can do it. I know I am strong. I have a loving Father in heaven and earthly family. I am beautiful. I can learn and grow. I can teach my girls to love each themselves and be happy in every situation. I can do it. And I will. 

I still have big plans to see the world. I have been blessed to see a lot of it already. But I am going to work on expanding my own world. Here, now while I have the chance. While my kids are small and think I am the world, I am going to show them that the world is a loving, happy and exciting place. I am blessed. We all are. I'm going to quit telling other people to look for the silver linings and start actually following my own advice. I will SHOW them how to do it. 

Yes. The time is now. I am going to be present and alive and love the moments, easy or hard, good or bad. Today is the day. 

Hair: An Examination

Hair. We all have it. Some of us more than others. (Hehe). We all choose how we are going to wear it and what product to put in it and when to wash it etc etc. Well, I've been thinking a lot about hair lately. A couple of months ago I decided to cut my hair. Like, really cut it. I went from having hair that was all the way down to my waist after having my second child to a full-on pixie style cut à la Michelle Williams or Anne Hathaway. I also decided to dye it platinum blonde with the cut. I have had long hair for my whole life. Since it grew out when I was a kid, I kept it long. I layered it and grew it and layered it and cut it. But always, it was long. And I loved it. My sisters would call me their "hippie" sister. I would wear side ponytails and buns. My hair was curly and occasionally I would wear it down or straighten it. I loved the versatility that my long hair gave me. But, I wore it up pretty much every day. I didn't like it getting in my face. I haaaated when it was windy and would never drive with the windows down if I could help it. I was blessed with good hair. Healthy, blonde and curly. 

This is me when I was 3. Can I please have a child with hair this awesome?

Cut to the last few years. Since I had my first child, my hair has been getting progressively darker. I don't make a habit of dyeing my hair although I did do blonde highlights most recently before the Big Cut. I don't have anything against dark blonde or brown hair but, I didn't like it on me. I have (almost) always been "the blonde one" in my family. All of my siblings have varying shades of brown hair or dark blonde hair. I was born with white-blonde hair and hazel eyes and the lightest complexion. I always felt cool with blonde hair. That it was a distinguishing factor in who I was. If you look at my wedding photos you will see much lighter hair than in pictures of me in the last year. 

This was on our wedding day in 2008. That is my complete natural color. 

This is last Christmas. 2012. That is my natural color on the top. And Lucy on my lap. 

So, I had my second baby last September. Her name is Lucy and she is a mamma's girl through and through. She is kind of obsessed with me. In a good way I guess. Haha. But she does NOT leave me alone. She constantly is giving me kisses (which I love), and climbing on my lap (which I love), and scratching me everywhere with those sharp little fingernails (which I don't really love), and pulling my hair--HARD (which I kind of hated actually). 

So, I kept seeing all of these celebrities with short haircuts. I would think to myself, "I wish I was brave enough to try something like that," or "I just don't think my face shape would work with short hair," or "what if I don't like it?" I would say these things over and over and finally, one day I realized; I CAN be brave enough. Why not? I have had 2 children. I have moved across the country away from my family. I have had many personal and professional victories in the last few years. Who says I can't be brave enough to cut my hair? And I realized, I have control over how I feel about myself. Hair included. So, I went for it. I made the appointment with a trusted friends hairdresser and I didn't tell anyone I was doing it except my husband and a few friends in Nashville. I wanted to surprise my family. 

I went to the appointment, sat in the chair and said "Let's do this!" I have to say, I LOVED it. It felt like I was lifting a huge weight off my shoulders. Literally and figuratively. I am now a short-haired person and so proud to be. I never ever thought I would be that or say that. 

I called all my family on FaceTime so they could see the new locks. Here are some of the reactions: 

  

Yeeeah, that is Jen and Kelli. My oldest and youngest sisters. My moms reaction was similar and so were my other siblings. It was priceless. They loved it! They couldn't believe it was me! They thought it was my sister Lisa who looks the most like me and has been a lot more gutsy in her hairstyles over the years. 

This is the before picture. To show how long and the color. 

This is the after shot. I have since had it cut again. Even shorter than it was here. 

My mom said to me as I was telling her all about my thought process before the Big Cut, "Well yeah, it's just hair." 

And let me tell you, ever since the Big Cut I have had random strangers come up to me and tell me how great I look. People at the store, in parking lots, at the McDonalds drive thru, at the mall. Seriously, I know I live in the South where people tend to talk to each other a bit more than in other places but I mean a LOT of people go out of their way to compliment me. Here is a list of comments I usually hear:

You look like a rock star! 

You look like P!nk. 

You look so edgy and cute. 

I love your hair. 

Nice hair!

You can totally pull off short hair. 

You should come into my salon I would love to cut your hair. 

And some more: 

I could never do that. I'm not brave enough. 

I wouldn't look good with short hair. 

I have too weird of a head shape to pull off short hair. 

I would love to cut my hair but it wouldn't look good on me. 

Sound familiar??? 

Ladies! Give yourselves a little credit. You are brave! You are fabulous! You are strong! You are wonderful! You are beautiful! You have conquered children, cancer, infertility, loss of friends and family, long days and nights with little ones in your beds puking, husbands out of town for work and you carrying the entire household, surgeries, no jobs, financial worry and so much more! You have the power to do what you want. So, if you want to have a cute, easy, short hair cut. Do it! Find a good hairdresser and have them help you find what would look good on you. Everyone will look good with the right kind of short haircut. 

I have felt more beautiful and noticed since the Big Cut. People see me. And they go out of their way to compliment me. Not that it should matter completely but it IS nice to be seen. And given positive thoughts and compliments. 

Moral of the story? You can be brave if you choose to be. Don't sell yourself short. Go for it, whatever "it" is for you. Whether a haircut or anything else that may seem out of your comfort zone. You have control over your own life. You can do anything. Good luck! 

Here are a few more pictures. Just because. 

This is after the second hair cut. 

Me and Lucy. Pre second haircut. 

Me and my oldest, Michaela. 

Me and 2 sisters and my niece. 

Me and my husband, Matthew. He is a charmer. 

Me and my mom, Cindy. 

M and Lucy again. This is just a week ago or so. 

Happy haircuts!